Betty: Dealing with cancer must've been weird as well. Not a lot of people even believed you really even had cancer. They thought it was another Monica Lewisnsky type deal.
Tom: Yeah. Well I know - that was true by the way. Well, I guess it wasn't true. The thing is, I did have cancer and it was crazy. We also did a show for MTV called The Cancer Special - that's the name we came up with for it. And you see me get my lymph nodes removed, which is pretty exciting. They cut my body open, take it apart with clamps, and then they pull the intestines out of the body, basically.

See the scar there. [Tom lifts up his shirt to reveal what looks like a 2 foot scar]. They pull the intestines out and they set them on your neck. There's nowhere else to put them so they just leave them up there on your neck. And then they cut the lymph nodes out and they put them back in. And it's a pretty bizarre documentary we put together. Some people didn't believe that I had that disease but, you know it's true, we didn't approach it seriously. Although it is a serious issue and I think people will probably learn a lot from the show. Check it out. It's interesting and kinda wacky at the same time.

Betty: So has this actually made you less ambitious in some ways?
Tom: No actually. People say it changes your life when you get sick. I just think it made me a little less stressed out about things - which is a good thing. Cause I used get so stressed out about stuff that I'd show up to things like this and I'd probably be less funny than I might be being now. I mean I'm not saying I'm being funny now, but I would have been more boring than I am being now. You know what I mean? Cause you're stressed out about everything.

Betty: So who is the real Tom Green then?
Tom: Huh? You know, when we shot "Road Trip" I put a mouse in my mouth. I'm not saying that when we're not making a movie or TV show I don't put animals in my mouth, I do do that. I'm very comfortable with saying that in my private time, I'll put a rodent in my mouth. In my private time suck milk out of a cow's utter, just as I do on television, I will do that in my private time as well. They're extensions of my personality.

When a mouse takes a poo poo in my mouth, you know, I would not be ashamed to say that I've had poo in my mouth before in my real life. So, that's what makes it sort of fun to document because people probably don't realize that this is something that's normal, having poo in your mouth, or having animals in your mouth.

Betty: Speaking of poo, one of my favorite bits of yours was when you put poo on a microphone and interviewed people on the street. Has anybody ever beaten you over one of your stunts?
Tom: Um. People have hit me a couple times, but it's not something we actively seek out. We don't try to get hit. When I say "we", I'm referring to the people who make the show - we don't try to get me hit. Me being the person that's getting hit. But sure, I've been hit a couple of times. The thing is when you realize you're about to get physically accosted, you learn when to run. I've been doing the show for about seven years and when somebody starts coming at you with a hammer, you know to run. The trick is to not run so fast that you don't get them chasing you with the hammer. You want them chasing you with the hammer, but you don't want them to actually catch you with the hammer. So, it's a very fine line, it's a tricky kind of comedy.

Betty: Indeed. Hey, you're a college man, right? From Canada?
Tom: I went to community college and took television and VCR repair. [laughs] Actually I took radio and television broadcasting. Yeah, a two year program, community college.

Betty: I was gonna ask you if you had fun with that whole collegiate experience.
Tom: No I didn't really. I would take the bus to school and I'd go and learn about helvitical scanning heads, which are basically a drum in a VCR that pulls the tape out and gets it wrapped. I wasn't really smart enough to goto a university, so I was always upset when I was looking back on my life. As a 28 year old man, I look back on my life and I regret not studying more in high school so I could have maybe gone off and taken a university course and lived in a dormitory and made a lot of friends and life long lasting friendships and things like that. I missed that whole thing. So I watched "Road Trip" and I see that as sort of a piece of my life that I could learn from. I think a lot of people will learn from the movie.

Betty: Yeah, but now you're dating one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood...
Tom: Uh, Drew Carey?

Betty: That's right. How did you and Drew Carey meet? Was that on Charlie's Angels?
Tom: No, this is actually just a weird rumor to be honest with you.

Betty: About you and Drew Carey.
Tom: Yeah, it's really strange . It's like one of these rumors that gets started, that's actually kinda strange. I don't know where it's started. The reason I know what you're talking about is because I've been asked about it all day. Lalalalala. Not even true.

Betty: Do you want me to start a new rumor for you?
Tom: Yeah. Let's say Margaret Thatcher or Britney Spears. Can we start that rumor? That would be cool. There's always rumors about her dating Prince William. Yeah, let me be dating Prince William. [laughs] That's a good rumor.

Betty: You got it. Tom Green is now dating Prince William.