BeatBoxBetty's Movie Reviews

NEGOTIATOR, THE
Even though they pissed off Betty and totally gave away the entire plot in the trailers, The Negotiator still delivers enough twists and turns to keep you on the edge of your seat. Samuel L. Jackson does a bang up job as yet another civil servant driven to the edge and Kevin Spacey is simply faboo as his only chance at seeing another day. This also happens to be the last film for Mr. Bad Guy, J.T. Walsh who died of a heart attack last year. Bluffs, cuffs and mucho gunfire. Overall Rating: 3.5 Martinis

NEXT BEST THING, THE
Madonna may be able to carry a tune or two, but her performance as someone, well...much like herself (yoga diehard, committed mother, blah, blah, blah) is at times a bit flat. In fact, it's Rupert Everett, who not only is the prettiest of the two, but the most interesting to watch. The story goes...best friends Abbie and Robert (she's straight, he's not) get drunk one night and things go bump (and grind) in the night. The bi-product is a kid (who magically appears at 6 years old) and an instant non-traditional family is born. Well, Robert needs more showtunes and Abbie needs Benjamin Bratt, and the two just can't hang like Ozzie and Harriet. What's next is a tribute to Barbra-esque lighting and God-like shots of gorgeous Rupert, with a few nice moments between the two and some smart one-liners thrown in for good measure. Rating: 3.0 Martinis

NINTH GATE, THE
I can't imagine sitting through the first eight Gates, but this "Ninth" one is yet another lame attempt by exiled Roman Polanski to direct a thriller from across the pond. Set in various Euro-locales, Johnny Depp plays a chain smoking book merchant who is hired by a snobbish collector of rare satanic volumes (Frank Langella), to find the remaining two copies. But watch out for the devil and strange women popping in and out of the story, like Lena Olin and Emmanuelle Seigner (Polanski's wife) simply known as "The Girl". The movie has a lush look about it and some scenes were even nice to look at, but when I finally woke up, I was just happy to see the credits rolling. Rating: 1.0 Martini

NO LOOKING BACK
Egads. What da hell happened to Lauren Holly’s career? I’ll tell you where it went. Right down the toilet with Jon Bon Jov-ininski’s! This movie is slow, boring beyond belief and everybody who’s got two lips is busy woofing down a cigar butt. Hack! Nuff said? Rating: 1 Martini

NOTTING HILL
She’s b-a-c-k. Julia Roberts plays, um, herself in this light romantic comedy that has her shagging a puppy-dog faced Hugh Grant. Telling her cult of celebrity plight to Grant, a quiet bookstore owner (aren’t literary types in this year), Julia looks great and Hugh still looks guilty. Despite the divine silly mushy stuff, not a bad two hours. Rating: 3.0 Martinis

NURSE BETTY
It may have a cool name, but it's just a so-so movie. Renee Zellweger is Betty Sizemore, a meek and mild mannered waitress in Kansas whose only escape from the mundane is watching her favorite soap opera star, Dr. David Ravell (Greg Kinear) on "A Reason To Love". She's married to a creep of a used car salesman who belittles her at every turn, but her true love is this fictional physician - bad acting and all. Then one day Betty witnesses her horrible hubby's murder after a shady business deal goes awry in their living room. That's when she slips into her fantasy world and heads off to Hollywood to get find her darling doctor.

What follows is a mish-mosh of on-the-road novelties and eventually a guest appearance on her favorite soap. Now, Renee is cool and all, but she's like Wonder Bread; plain as paper and sticky on the roof of your mouth. In other words, she's not much of a lead actress or comedian. In fact, I nodded off a few times, only to be woken up by the fine screen presence of Morgan Freeman and Chris Rock as his over-anxious son. But those moments were few and far between. Overall, I'd say Nurse Betty could use a humor transplant. Rating: 2.0 Martinis

NUTTY PROFESSOR 2: THE KLUMPS
Well, the fartin' and burpin' dysfunctional Klumps are back on the big-boned screen. But is this follow-up to Eddie Murphy's first Nutty hit a winner as well? There are a few fun moments as Grama Klump (Murphy) gets her groove on and sweet college professor Sherman (Murphy as well) falls for his curvy scientific colleague (Janet Jackson), but the novelty of Eddie in drag has lost some of it's appeal. Not that his characters have lost anything; Mama Klump is tender and oh-so proud of Shermy, and Grama shakes things up with her overactive libido...but can we pa-lease stop with all the fart gags?

The first time around the dinner table was funny, but now it plays like a tired trick to get a chuckle. Then there are bizarre scenarios involving Buddy Love (Murphy yet again) coming back to steal Sherman's Fountain of Youth jigger of juice - a giant gerbil getting the best of a man and the unlikely romance between the fine Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) and tubby Sherman. I'm not totally dissing the film, it has it's moments. But me thinks that for real fans of the Murph-meister, the original Klump experience still stands out as a winner. Despite the attempt at an All-You-Can-Eat comic casserole, this meal just left me hungry for more. Rating: 3.0 Martinis

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