BeatBoxBetty's Movie Reviews

I DREAMED OF AFRICA
First off, I gotta say that Kim Basinger looks better than ever. But beyond her looking like she stepped right out of a Ralph Lauren ad and the gorgeous backdrop of Kenya, the film does little else to impress. The story – based on a far different book about real-life trekker (Kooki) who takes her son to Africa when a handsome boyfriend comes a-callin’ - ends up choppy on-screen. Add to that, sweeping melodramatic music that pops up in every scene and a so-so script, and all that you’re left with is a large scale day at the zoo. But it’s also one of the strongest roles I’ve seen Kim in, so it gets a few points for that. My only question is – what the hell was in the hanging egg? Rating: 3.0 Martinis

I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
This may be Brandy’s first stab at the big screen, but I still know this movie sucks! Once again, perky college coeds with a high S.A.T. score (but no commence sense) repeatedly set themselves up for the Gorton’s fisherman with a bad attitude and a hook. The film fails to deliver any surprises, especially in the ending. In fact, the final scene was so bad, the entire audience booed and hissed. Hmmm, I know what they can do next summer...get an original idea! Rating: 1 Martini

IDLE HANDS
Okay, I admit I was expecting to leave within the first 15 minutes. The poster’s disturbing enough. But I found this teen horror flick (in a guilty sort of way) bizarre and gruesomely funny at times. Devon Sawa is a stoned teen who’s hand gets out of hand and terrorizes a small town. I screamed, I laughed I chewed my cuticles once again. Rating: 3.0 Martinis

INSIDER, THE
We all know that corporations are the root of all evil, and the lengths they go to protect their profits are brutal. But how do you make a movie about it and keep the audience glued to their seats? Ask Michael Mann. This riveting true life story of how Lowell Bergman and Dr. Jeffrey Wigand fought the powers that be in the cigarette industry and CBS is great stuff. Kudos also go out to Russell Crow for his work as Wigand and Christopher Plummer who plays 60 Minutes' Mike Wallace better than Mike. Mann directs so well, you won't notice that you've been in the theater for 2 1/2 hours. Rating: 5.0 Martinis

INSPECTOR GADGET
I know that I’m no kid. But even if Betty was a tiny toddler, I’d see that this remake of an already bad TV show is slop. There’s lots of goofy gadgets that spew goo on Mathew Broderick, Rupert Everett and Joely Fisher, but as we learn over and over again, special effects does not a movie make. No amount of tinkering can save a mechanical mess. Rating: 1.0 Martini.

IRON GIANT
Good news for Warner Bros. – this may save their studio. You’ll laugh and cry (a lot) over this touching tale of a boy who befriends a 50 foot iron robot during a time when the U.S. was trigger happy over the Russians. Not only will you love this sure-to-be-an animated classic, but you’ll want your own Iron Giant. A definite must-see for everybody. Rating: 5.0 Martinis.

INSTINCT
If you rated this film on the amount of times you jump in your seat, it would be a winner. But since there’s other little problems with this film, Instinct just doesn’t have the right scent. An anthropologist (Anthony Hopkins) basically becomes a gorilla himself when something horrible happens in the jungle. Cuba Gooding Jr. pries the truth out of him. Rating: 2.0 Martinis

IN DREAMS
Sure. Those "other" critics are just tearing apart this psychological thriller. Yes, Stephen Rea’s head doctor bit is a bit flat. And yes, Robert Downey Jr. is a bit "clowny." But (thankfully) he’s hardly in the movie. It’s Annette Bening who really steals this show, delivering a riveting performance. Mixed with Neil Jordan’s drenched-in-gothic direction, Bening’s on-screen urgency sucks you in. The only real problem I had was with the last 2 minutes of the film...totally out of character dahlings! Rating: 3.0 Martinis

INTO THE ARMS OF STRANGERS: STORIES OF THE KINDERTRANSPORT
I know nobody will see this extremely important and moving film - but damn I wish they would. People won't be rushing out to see a documentary on the children who fled Germany as Hitler's insanity soared. It just doesn't go down well with popcorn and a soda. If I ruled the world, and there's still a chance, I'd make it mandatory for everyone to watch this testimony on the destruction of human rights. Narrated by Dame Judi Dench, "Into the Arms of Strangers" tells the story of what 10,000 children went through during WW2 as they were separated from their parents and countries to be "placed" in England. The Brits, by the way, were the only world citizens to take the children out of harm's way. The United States sat and watched. Please find this movie in your hometown and watch it. Rating: 5.0 Martinis

ISN'T SHE GREAT
Well, um no. She's not that great. I'm speaking of course about Betty's fave Betty of all time, Bette Midler. I tried to like it, really. With every fiber of my being I tried to dig it, but I found this corny and un-climactic true tale about "Valley of the Dolls" author Jacqueline Susann and her hubby/manager Irving Mansfield (played by the oddly casted Nathan Lane) lacking any steam to get it off the ground. I'm sure this will totally ruin any chances of my nabbing Bette to play Betty in the future, but hey - you know I've gotta tell it like it is kiddies. The whole time I watched the flimsy film unfold I couldn't help but want to get out of my seat and yell, "Run with it Bette, run with it!" But alas, the ball was never caught and what I ended up with was a "nice" film about a legendary pseudo-celebrity. Perhaps it could make a decent Movie of the Week on the Lifetime Network, but a faboo feature this is not. Rating: 1.5 Martinis

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