BeatBoxBetty's Movie Reviews

GALAXY QUEST
Thank the Gods of Nebular for this campy comedy. And what with all the dreary and dark dramas popping up like weeds this time of year - Galaxy Quest is a much needed comedy break. Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub and Daryl Mitchell star as TV show icons of a long-canceled science fiction series called "Galaxy Quest''. Although as big as "Star Trek" in their day, their lives in the 90s are pretty much relegated to fan conventions and grand openings - that is until an unusual group of aliens (Thermians) beg for their assistance. Apparently they've been getting our TV signals for years and they think the show is real, so they whisk the actors up into space to help them defeat an evil lobster-looking space general. It may sound out of this world - but it certainly delivers plenty of great laughs and even a touching moment here and there. Perfect for all ages. Go see it! Rating: 4.0 Martinis

GENERAL’S DAUGHTER, THE
Even though I simply must have John Travolta’s next baby, this weakly written thriller (the script, not the book) comes fully equipped with enough military lip service to stuff a body bag. JT plays an odd guy torn between his duties as a soldier and a detective as he investigates the sexually-charged murder of the general’s daughter. Another D.O.A. Rating: 2.0 Martinis

GET BRUCE
First off, I love Bruce Vilanch. I also love this ditty of a movie that documents how the most powerful T-shirt collector in Hollywood works. You see, Bruce is the madman responsible for writing material for Whoopi Goldberg, Robin Williams, Bette Midler and just about every award show known to man. Get Bruce gets you behind the scenes and inside that curly, crazy head of his. See it! Rating: 4.5 Martinis

GIRLFIGHT
How refreshing is it to see a rising star bloom right in front of you on screen? Very. And Michelle Rodriguez does just that in this "Rocky-esque" tale of a girl with big dreams, a tough life and a mean right hook. She may be small, but man does she pack a punch! Here's the story ... Between rumbles at school and a non-supportive father, Diana Guzman (Rodriguez) literally "finds herself" in an old tattered boxing ring at a local gym. Rebelling against every pretty-in-pink standard set down for women, she takes on the challenge of learning how to box - eventually earning the respect of those that doubted her - and the championship.

The real beauty of this film takes place in the eyes of Rodriguez. They're piercing, focused and full of backstory. Writer/director Karyn Kusama saw it right away - and she used the opening shot to close in on those steely peepers - setting you up for an intense and emotion filled trip into Diana's world. Rodriguez' portrayal of this quick-tempered young woman is also impressive because the girl's never acted before. While searching for the perfect Diana, the filmmakers held an open call in which 350 actresses showed up - but it was Rodriguez who stood out. Kusama sums it up best: "I needed Brando as a teenage girl and I found her. I really lucked out." Yes, you did. And judging by her ability to deliver magical moments on the silver screen, I'd say the audience lucked out as well. Rating: 4.0 Martinis

GIRL, INTERRUPTED
Some people may call this a chick flick, but it's an entertaining chick flick nonetheless. Winona Ryder plays Susanna Kaysen (author of the book the film's based on) - a typical confused teen who finds herself in a psych hospital with other confused teens and the wildly rebellious Lisa (played wonderfully tight to the tee by a ruggedly rough and ever-seductive Angelina Jolie). In fact, Jolie's controlled chaos is so good, you forget she's acting. Troubled Susanna eventually finds her way - but only after discovering herself and switching power roles with the magnetic Lisa. Although you want Winona to bust out a bit, overall, this is a great film for both actresses and well worth the ticket. Rating: 4.0 Martinis

GLADIATOR
So...do you like gladiator movies? You will after you see Russell Crowe in this gritty epic, based on real people and ancient events -- about a Roman General banished to die as a gladiator. You’d think that after years of loyal service conquering the world for Rome and its emperor Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris), who practically begs you to rule Rome after his death, that life is good. But back in 180 AD when the heir to the throne is a spoiled, incestuous worm named Commodus (brilliantly played by Joaquin Phoenix), life is a bitch...and then you’re a gladiator fighting for your free-dom. And fight they do!

Director Ridley Scott and his cinematographers put you ringside at the Colosseum with all the tigers and chariot conflict you can handle. The object of Commodus’ affection is sister Lucilla (Connie Nielsen) whose only son is now the only threat to his royal popularity, and when a plot to kill the emperor is revealed, things get nasty, people die badly and heroes become martyrs. Great performances by captivating Crowe, the late Oliver Reed as the ex-gladiator- turned-slave manager, who unfortunately passed away during the filming of "Gladiator", and Richard Harris as the noble Marcus Aurelius. Rating: 4.5 Martinis, a toga party, arms yanked off and heads flying left and right – oh my!

GO!
Lordee, I loved this movie! Doug Swingers Liman has not only grown as a director, but he’s also pushed reality based "teen flicks" to a whole new level. In Go!, you follow the intermingling paths of several f@&ked up (yet utterly charming characters played by Katie Holmes, William Fichter, J.E. Freeman and the dynamic duo, Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr). One pal takes one too many pops of X, another shoots a strip club manager and yet another is left for dead in a ditch, while angelic Katie remains unharmed. Just another night in L.A. . It’s a sheer friggin’ delight. Rating: 4.5 Martinis

GODZILLA
The best thing that’s spawned from all the "Size Matters" hype are those Taco Bell commercials with the talking Chihuahua. Matthew Broderick plays the geekoid scientist who falls for the feisty "wanna-be" reporter (Maria Patillo) who believes that you have to be cruel in order to make it on the news. That is, until she falls (yet again) for her college sweetheart who just happens to have the biggest story to hit the planet. Or at least New York. Whatever. Ultimately, she’s gonna get the story and do right by her man! I swear...I wanted to slap her four or five times in this movie. If that wasn’t enough to send you running for a refund, Godzilla looks like a cross-breed between that hunchback Alien and the dino’ in Jurassic Park. Once the initial novelty of it all wears off, all you’re left with is cars exploding and flying cement chunks. Rating: 1.5 Martinis

GODZILLA 2000
A few years back, Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin attempted to put Godzilla on the map as an American feature film and they failed miserably. But this time around, the Japanese take back what is rightfully theirs - presenting this big bad radioactive lizard with the same corny toy models, bad one-liners ("there's a little Godzilla in all of us") and openmouthed scientists that made it so appealing when I was a rugrat. The story? Like it matters! Okay. While those silly humans try to blow up Godzilla, he's forced into a WWF Smackdown against a 6000 year old UFO over the streets of Shinjuku. Dubbed in English with the mouths moving before words are spoken, it's really bad cinema that is so funny to watch, it could become a cult hit. See it with your friends and feel free to yell at the screen! Rating: 4.0 Martinis for Pure Mindless Entertainment Value!

GONE IN 60 SECONDS
Fans of Angelina Jolie will be glad she's back on screen. Only thing is, it's in this testosterone driven, "the good guy's gotta do bad things to help his brother out of a jam" movie. Now, the tomboy in me did dig the fast and pretty cars, but the male bonding was way over the top - thanks to a sappy script and Nicolas Cage and Giovanni Ribissi milking scenes for all they were worth.

The story goes, Cage plays a former car thief who has cleaned up his act until his little brother (Ribisi) gets in trouble with a goofy bad guy who likes wood. Pulling his former thief pals together (which includes the svelte, blue contact-lensed Jolie) Cage tries to steal 50 cars in 3 days. Woop-dee-doo. Despite the far too limited presence of Ms. Jolie, the film really doesn't do more than rev it's engines at you. Ultimately, what your left with is the smell of burnt rubber. Rating: 2.5 Martinis

GOSSIP
Sure. You’ve got your purdy-to-look-at cast, and the ending’s interesting, but sheesh, the slop you have to go through to get there is so painful, you don’t care who dunnit. With the help of his friends, James Marsden plays a spoiled rich kid who invents some juicy gossip to spread around the college campus on a (as you’ll find out) former girlfriend (played by Goldie Hawn’s daughter, Kate Hudson). I won’t get into the prurient details, but let’s just say it involves her saying “no” and her beau (Joshua Jackson) not listening. Anywho – the whole mess gets way out of control and Marsden’s character is so despicable, you wonder why his roommates (Lena Headey and Norman Reedus) would put up with his crap. Think “Cruel Intentions” meets “The Usual Suspects” at an IKEA showroom. Did you hear that “Gossip” was great? As the movie proves, you shouldn’t believe everything you hear. Rating: 1.5 Martinis

GOODBYE LOVER
What a weird brew we’re served in this dark comedy. You want it to work. But what you get isn’t all that morose and it’s definitely not that funny. But there is something intriguing about Patricia Arquette’s breaking out into The Sound of Music while plotting he next move. Despite an ever- twisting plot (those are really big this year) and a decent cast (Don Johnson, Dermot Mulroney and Mary Louise Parker) you may want to say goodbye to your lover another way. Like long distance. Skip it, unless you think Ellen DeGeneres in a bad wig is worth 8 bucks. Rating: 2.0 Martinis

GREEN MILE, THE
Master storyteller Stephen King takes us back to 1935, in this magical tale set in a southern prison's Death Row. The plot? The cell block's head guard (Tom Hanks) develops an unusual relationship (not that kind of relationship silly!) with a giant inmate who has a gift that is miraculous and at times, incredibly schmaltzy. Yes, schmaltzy. Hanks does a fine job (flashbacks to his Forrest Gump days are inevitable) but the film just didn't live up to "momentous" event I thought it would be. The villains are truly evil and the good guys have halos around their caps, but the grit and guts of this baby are missing. And there's this thing about a mouse that well, I won't ruin it for you, but the final scene takes a nosedive. Still worth a look, but Oscar-worthy it's not. Rating: 3.5 Martinis

GUINEVERE
This new twist on those May-September romances really had me confused. I love Sarah Polley, who plays a budding young woman who falls for an older man (Stephen Rea) who has a habit of helping girls become "women." But my affection for Sarah conflicted with my problem with this guy who "takes her away from it all." Nice moments abound, but I just couldn’t get over the plot. Rating: 3.0 Martinis

GUNSHY
On the verge of a career-induced nervous breakdown and in fear of a trigger-happy Mafia leader (Oliver Platt), Charlie (Liam Neeson) finds himself falling for his enema nurse (played by Sandra Bullock, who's also the film's producer). If this sounds like an odd premise, wait - the movie doesn't get much better. Sure, there are a few brief moments of levity (something we haven't seen Liam do much of) and when we do see her, Sandra's cute as a button - but other than some marvelous moments with Oliver Platt and his Itralian mobster wife (Mary McCormack), Gunshy is way shy of winning Betty's heart. Rating: 2.5 Martinis

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